A363 TMA 02

Tutor-Marked Assignment

• Task 1: Write an 15-minute adaptation of the story written for TMA 01 for stage, radio, or film.
• Task 2: Write a 500-word "commentary" about the process, describing how the task was approached, what changes to the story and characters proved necessary, etc..
• Due date: 5 January 2012
• Mark: About 87% overall. Actual mark is temporarily unavailable on a dead hard drive, but I remember that it was 1% +/- from TMA 01 mark.

Sharp-eyed readers will notice the last-accessed dates in the reference section are later than the TMA's due date. This is because I was granted a deadline extension.

I've just pasted the script into this blog page and hoped for the best. The formatting seems, but apologies are offered in advance if any layout weirdness has crept in.

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1.      Script for film

Keeping Shtum

by Greg Withnail

Cast list:

Johanna: 55-year-old schoolmistress

Young Isaac: Johanna’s son, aged 5

Adult Isaac: Johanna’s son, aged 30

Jacob: former student of Johanna

Kurt: German non-commissioned officer

Wilfred: 70-year-old ex-serviceman

Soldier #1: 45-year-old German

Soldier #2

Soldier #3

FADE IN:

INT. PADDINGTON STATION. EVENING.

The station is crowded. A newspaper stand's sandwich board reads "MARTIN LUTHER KING ASSASSINATED."

JOHANNA waits at barrier with WILFRED. An envelope protrudes from Wilfred's breast pocket.

JOHANNA

It's late.

Wilfred squints over his glasses at the station clock. It reads half-past seven.

WILFRED

Only a couple of minutes.

JOANNA

What if I don’t recognise him?

Wilfred taps the envelope in his jacket pocket. It looks worn, as if it has been opened and closed many times. He smiles patiently.

WILFRED

The photograph he sent last week is recent.

(pause)

Look! Here it comes.

Johanna looks down the track. Train approaches.

Guard's whistle sounds. Johanna visibly jumps at the sound, and looks around.

WILFRED

Easy there, my Schätzchen.

He squeezes her hand.

Guard's whistle gives several blasts, which continue as Johanna gazes at the approaching train. On the soundtrack, the guard’s whistle is joined by the distinctive sound of a police-style whistle. All station noise fades, but the police-style whistle continues as we...

FADE TO WHITE

FADE IN:

EXT. WARSAW GHETTO. DAY.

The street is lined with run-down and boarded-up terraced houses. Some roofs are missing. The road is strewn with rubble, clothing, and other debris. Snow falls. Police-style whistle continues.

Johanna's hand is squeezing a smaller one. It belongs to YOUNG ISAAC. The pair is at the bottom of some basement steps, hiding from a passing military truck.

JOHANNA

It's gone. Come on.

She leads Young Isaac across street at a weary half-run. They reach a closed door. Young Isaac sinks to sit on the ground when Johanna releases his hand to try the door. The door is locked.

JOHANNA

(under her breath)

Oy shtup!

She grabs Young Isaac's arm and hauls him to his feet. She moves towards the next house. Young Isaac stumbles and Johanna stops to steady him.

JOHANNA

Careful, my love.

They reach a FRONT DOOR, which opens to Johanna’s push. They stumble inside and the door slams.

INT. BAKERY. DAY.

Ceilings and roof are missing. Window is boarded-up on the outside. The word "PIEKARNIA" is painted back-to-front on the glass. Front Door has a large sliding bolt on the inside. A heavy snow-covered table stands in the middle of the room. A metal bread oven is set in the rear wall. Its door is closed. Beside it is a SECOND DOOR, which has a sagging lintel. It is also closed. Snow falls.

The muted sound of a police-style whistle reaches the room intermittently throughout the scene.

Young Isaac wanders dazedly towards the table as Johanna bolts Front Door.

JOHANNA

How's your knee, my love?

(beat)

Let me see.

She crouches before Young Isaac. He stares right through her.

JOHANNA (CONT’D)

Oh!

She stifles a sob and suddenly hugs Young Isaac, rocking him as she says...

JOHANNA (CONT’D)

My baby, my baby.

YOUNG ISAAC

(mumbling, his face pressed to Johanna's chest)

Are they going to kill us Mummy?

JOHANNA

  What?

She gently pulls Young Isaac's face from her. Their eyes meet as he says...

YOUNG ISAAC

  Are they going to kill us?

JOHANNA

Of course not, my love.

(laughs unconvincingly)

They've just got orders to chase us for a while. Just to scare us.

YOUNG ISAAC

(weeps)

Johanna hugs him again.

JOHANNA

Don't cry, my love.

She kisses the top of his head.

JOHANNA (CONT'D)

They'll soon get cold and go away.

YOUNG ISAAC

I'm cold.

JOHANNA

You can wear Mummy's coat.

She stands and starts to unbutton her coat.

YOUNG ISAAC

(shivering)

Can we light a fire?

JOHANNA

They'd see the smoke. Maybe tomorrow, my love.

She takes off her coat and places it around Young Isaac's shoulders. A single gunshot sounds from a few streets away.

JOHANNA

(walking to second doorway)

Now, let's see where this leads, shall we?

She walks to Second Door and pulls at it, but it doesn't move. She pulls harder and the lintel shifts.

YOUNG ISAAC

Mummy!

Johanna looks up in time to see lintel break away from wall. Second Door buckles and splits but remains in position. Johanna stumbles back and lintel lands where she had been standing. Pause.

Johanna steps gingerly over fallen lintel and gives Second Door a gentle push.

An ominous creak is followed by a slow cascade of bricks, plaster, dust, and snow.

Johanna stumbles back and collides with Young Isaac, knocking him over. She helps him to his feet. Pause.

When the dust clears, we see Second Door is blocked.

Sound of running footsteps from outside. Johanna and Young Isaac turn to look at Front Door. Pause.

Someone knocks on Front Door. Young Isaac gasps and Johanna clamps her hand over his mouth.

Johanna and Young Isaac grip one another as the Front Door's handle turns, first one way, then the other.

JOHANNA

(slowly removing her hand from Young Isaac's mouth)

Shhh!

Clutching Young Isaac, she backs away from Front Door without taking her eyes off it.

Front Door is kicked from outside. Johanna and Young Isaac start again. Johanna looks around, frantically.

Another kick makes Front Door rattle in its frame.

JOHANNA

(lifting Young Isaac)

Come on.

She carries Young Isaac to the oven and sets him down gently.

Another kick to Front Door makes its bolt begin to break away. Sporadic kicking sounds continue till end of scene.

Johanna pulls open the oven door, revealing the frozen corpse of a small child within. Johanna flinches.

JOHANNA

Close your eyes, my baby. Close your eyes.

Face screwed up with distaste, Johanna pulls the corpse from the oven and sets it gently on the floor. She gags. Pause.

JOHANNA

Keep those eyes closed.

(stoops to pick up Young Isaac)

Time to play hide and seek.

She gently places Young Isaac in oven. She tries to climb into the oven but it is too high. With difficulty, she drags the table over to the oven, and uses it to climb inside. As she does so, a crack appears in the wall between Second Door and oven.

INT. OVEN. DAY.

Johanna and Young Isaac are squashed together, doubled-up, knees touching faces. Bakery interior visible without.

Johanna reaches out and manages to pull the oven door closed. The oven is plunged into darkness. Johanna and Young Isaac are barely discernible.

INT. BAKERY. DAY.

Johanna's fingers release the oven door and disappear from view. Immediately, the oven door starts to swing open.

Johanna grabs the door and pulls it closed again. This time she keeps hold of it.

With a crash, Front Door bursts open.

INT. OVEN. DAY.

The oven's interior is dark. Johanna and Young Isaac are squashed together. Their eyes are wide. Johanna is leaning awkwardly, holding the oven door closed.

Sound of Front Door being closed. Sound of panting. Pause.

Sound of footsteps. Pause.

Sound of table being dragged across floor. Pause.

Sound of footsteps rapidly approaching.

The oven door is flung open.

INT. BAKERY. DAY.

The police-style whistles sound close. They continue till end of scene.

Visible in the oven, Johanna clutches Young Isaac protectively, her face buried in his hair.

JOHANNA

(whimpers)

(pause)

She lifts her face and sees JACOB standing there. Table is now against inside of Front Door.

JOHANNA

(very relieved)

Jacob?

(laughing)

Jacob Eckstein?

JACOB

Let me in!

JOHANNA

There's no room.

Sound of shouting from without.

JACOB

Please!

Jacob tries to climb into the impossibly small space with Johanna and Young Isaac.

JOHANNA

There's no room! Don’t be stupid.

She tries to push Jacob away with her foot. He topples backwards, holding her foot, pulling her after him. They hit the floor together. Pause, while they wait to see whether they have been heard.

Sound of door being broken down in the house next door.

Johanna starts to get up, but Jacob is quicker. He kicks Johanna in the ribs then stamps on her spine. She collapses face-down in the slush. Jacob grabs Young Isaac's foot and tries to pull him from the oven. Isaac wriggles free and curls up into a ball.

Johanna staggers to her feet. She grabs Jacob's arm and pulls him away from the oven.

Sound of Front Door handle being turned.

Door opens an inch and is stopped by table.

JACOB

(screams)

Johanna releases Jacob. He runs to Second Door and starts to claw at the rubble that blocks it.

There is a crash from Front Door – someone outside is throwing their weight against it. The table shifts a couple of inches.

Jacob has made a small gap and starts to wriggle though it. More cracks appear in the wall.

Another crash at the door pushes the table another inch.

Johanna stands in the middle of the room. She looks at Young Isaac, then at Jacob, and then at Front Door. She wrings her hands.

The section of wall above Jacobs suddenly collapses, killing him instantly.

KURT (O.S.)

Schnell!

Another crash at the door pushes the table several more inches.

Johanna stops wringing her hands. She runs to the oven and leans inside.

INT. OVEN. DAY.

JOHANNA

Stay here and keep quiet.

ISAAC

Okay.

Sound of crash against door.

JOHANNA

No matter what happens. You hear?

ISAAC

Yes.

Johanna kisses him and closes the oven door.

INT. BAKERY. DAY.

JOHANNA

Hold this.

Young Isaac's fingers appear at the bottom edge of the door and grasp it.

Johanna picks her way over the heap of rubble and sits near the protruding legs of Jacob.

JOHANNA

(weeps)

FADE

FADE IN

EXT. WARSAW GHETTO. EVENING.

Two military trucks stand at the end of the street. Distant police-style whistles sound intermittently throughout scene.

SOLDIER #1 waits by the open Front Door. He wears spectacles and a non-regulation scarf. His hands are wrapped in rags. He wears a rifle on a sling.

Soldier #1 shivers and hugs himself.

Johanna enters street through Front Door, pushed by Kurt. Soldier #1 straightens.

As Kurt takes Johanna towards the trucks, she looks back at Front Door.

Soldier #1 follows Johanna's gaze. Johanna quickly looks away.

Johanna and Kurt arrive at First Truck. Kurt helps Johanna climb into back, then bangs his hand against truck's side. Pause.

The truck's engine starts. Kurt climbs into back of truck.

INT. FIRST TRUCK. EVENING.

A dozen prisoners sit on two fixed benches that run the length of the interior. Johanna is among them. Kurt sits near the open back of the truck.

Truck begins to move. Johanna stares out of the open back of the truck. Suddenly, she tenses.

JOHANNA

(whispering)

No!

EXT. WARSAW GHETTO. EVENING.

Soldier #1 moves to Front Door. He pauses, then steps inside.

INT. FIRST TRUCK. EVENING.

Johanna stands and takes a step towards back of truck.

JOHANNA

No!

Kurt seizes Johanna and shoves her back into her seat.

EXT. WARSAW GHETTO. EVENING.

Front Door is now closed. The snow has stopped. We hear  truck driving away.

INT. BAKERY. EVENING.

Sound of truck fades. Soldier #1 stands immobile just inside the closed Front Door. He slowly takes in the missing roof, the blocked Second Door, and the table. When he notices the frozen corpse, he grimaces and averts his eyes. Finally, he looks at the oven door.

He hurriedly unslings his rifle and takes a step forward.

He squints over his spectacles, peering at the bottom edge of the oven door. Tiny fingers are visible, holding the door in position.

Soldier #1 looks down at his rifle. Pause. He puts it down, leaning it against Front Door.

He moves forward till level with table. Pause.

He removes his scarf, and lays it on the table.

EXT. WARSAW GHETTO. EVENING.

Front door opens and Soldier #1 emerges. His rifle is slung over his shoulder. He is not wearing his scarf.

He looks warily up and down the street before pulling Front Door closed and moving towards Second Truck.

FADE OUT

FADE IN:

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE WARSAW STATION. NIGHT.

First Truck is departing. Kurt, Joanna, and the other prisoners are on the pavement.

SOLDIER #2 and SOLDIER #3 enter street from ticket hall and escort the prisoners inside.

Kurt lights a cigarette and strolls off down the street, past a sign. The sign reads "SS-Kaserne" and points in the direction Kurt is going.

A distant train whistle sounds.

Second Truck pulls up.

EXT. PLATFORM, WARSAW STATION. NIGHT

Several soldiers stand about near the ticket office door, looking bored. A steam locomotive and line of boxcars stand on the track. The door of the boxcar nearest the engine is open. The boxcar is pretty packed with prisoners, but obviously not as full as it could be. A trio of soldiers waits beside each of the other boxcars.

Johanna and her fellow prisoners enter from ticket hall. Soldier #2 and Soldier #3 follow, and herd them to the open boxcar.

As Johanna climbs into the boxcar, Soldier #1 enters from the ticket hall and joins Soldier #2 and Soldier #3.

Guard's whistle sounds. We hear shouted orders in German.

Soldier #1, Soldier #2, and Soldier #3 haul the boxcar's sliding door closed, then climb onto the small gantry at the rear of the car.

INT. BOXCAR. NIGHT.

The prisoners stand shoulder to shoulder. A baby cries.

Johanna stares in the direction of the ticket hall through a gap in the boxcar door. Her eyes brim with tears.

Train whistle sounds.

The train lurches and the boxcar's occupants stumble, trying to keep upright. Johanna is bumped and jostled as we...

FADE TO WHITE

FADE IN:

INT. PADDINGHTON STATION. EVENING.

Johanna is blinking away tears as disembarked passengers push past her.

ADULT ISAAC is suddenly standing in front of her, holding a suitcase. He is smartly dressed, in hat and scarf. No one speaks. Pause.

Adult Isaac drops the suitcase. He and Johanna embrace.

JOHANNA

(whispering)

My baby, my baby.

Wilfred watches, smiling. He too has moist eyes.

Adult Isaac releases Johanna and turns to Wilfred. The two men face each other for several seconds. Pause.

Without breaking eye contact, Adult Isaac slowly unwinds the scarf from his neck. It is rather old and thread-bare. Reverently, he folds it, then hands it to Wilfred.

With obvious effort, Wilfred replaces his smile with a serious expression. He accepts the scarf and bows slightly with military neatness.

FADE OUT

[Performance time: 14 minutes, 40 seconds]

2.      Commentary

The Assessment Booklet suggests that the choice of medium should be made early. (2011, p.31) While feedback from other students suggested film would be appropriate, I was convinced initially that the one-room setting was perfectly suited to stage.

My original story had little dialogue, so I feared I might struggle to fill 15 minutes. I took heart after reading Neale's advice that "much of the action of your script should be revealed through pictures." (2009, p.116), but felt that submitting 14 minutes' worth of cinematic directions would not benefit me as a writer or invite a good mark. Knowing that padding dialogue would only damage its pace, I needed an extra dimension for the story. I reasoned that if the existing story succeeded in exciting a viewer, then he/she would probably wonder whether parent and child ever saw each other again. Once I had decided to show them being reunited, I decided to give the audience one more surprise by reintroducing the merciful German soldier, in whom some interest had been shown on a tutor group forum (Chang, 2011). I changed his name so someone who had read the original story might still enjoy the screenplay's surprises. I think this is a legitimate and even worthy technique in adaptations for screen. The decision to replace Isaac's father with his mother was necessary in order to make the long-term association with Wilfred more credible; the audience is supposed to assume they are married by 1968. (Incidentally, the new structure demanded some thought regarding dates and ages, so that the younger Wilfred would not be instantly recognisable¹.)

I added the Warsaw Station scene partly to put Johanna in a place where she could be jostled back to the future, and partly so that I could show Soldier #1 and his colleagues depart on her train and thereby suggest a custodial continuity that might make post-war association more possible.

Having opted to position the main story as a flashback, I was forced to reconsider my chosen medium. Film now seemed the logical choice, though it meant breaking up the long scenes to avoid the pitfalls discussed by McKee (1999, p.291 cited Neale 2009, p.121) It was also a choice I was happy with, simply because I have seen many more films than stage plays.

Sadly, choosing a familiar medium did not make my first attempt at screenwriting easy. I struggled quite a lot with the formatting and style of the script. Having heard so much advice on producing correct novel typescripts, I was slow to realise that the "rules" for scripts are less strict and universal. For example, Neale (2009, pp. 125 & 127) gives two very different example layouts for the same film script. My final draft reflects an attempt to balance various styles and incorporates the occasional technical element drawn from sources other than the course materials. (For example, the sample script by Buffini (2009), on the BBC's Writers Room website, encouraged me to use the "he" and "she" in directions.)

 [Word count: 500]

Footnotes

1.      On 5 April 1968, Adult Isaac is 30, Wilfred is 70, and Johanna is 55

On 19 February 1943, Young Isaac is 5, Wilfred is 45, and Johanna is 30.

(References below)

References

Buffini, M. (2009). Tamara Drewe [online]. Available from:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/insight/downloads/scripts/tamara_drewe.pdf [Updated 20 October 2009: Accessed 12 January 2012]

Neale, D. (2009) ‘Writing films’, in D. Neale (ed) A Creative Writing Handbook, London: A & C Black

Chang, D. (8 November 2011) ‘Re. Three apologies and a thank you’, forum message on TMA and EMA work-in-progress. Available from: http://learn.open.ac.uk/mod/forumng/discuss.php?d=755153

[Accessed 12 January 2012]